Exploring sexual touch with your partner can be a wonderful way to deepen sexual intimacy, and discover new aspects of your own (and your partner’s) sexuality. Sexual touch is not about orgasm, it’s about exploration. Try not to think of it as another technique to get to some end point. Some people consider this kind of exploration to be “energy work” or “spiritual sex”, but it isn’t necessary to name it in that way order to do it.
- Take time for touch.
Exploring with touch is a subtle and intimate activity. Make a date to do this when there won’t be many distractions, and when you don’t have to rush off somewhere in half an hour. This is definitely not a “quickie” kind of sex.
- Ground yourself.
Think about exploring touch with your partner almost as a kind of meditation. Try to clear your mind before you start this kind of sex. Time it to happen right after you’ve exercised, or done yoga, or just go for a walk beforehand. Even more than other kinds of sex, if you’re distracted both you and your partner will be aware of it, so you want to do your best to feel calm and “grounded”.
- Make your partner comfortable.
Start off with a hot bath, give them some time to themselves (if that’s hard to come by in your house), whatever is comforting and relaxing for them. If they are living with physical pain make sure they get into a comfortable position. You don’t have to do this on a bed, although that might be best for some people. You can do it on a mat on the floor, or on a comfortable chair. Use pillows and blankets to get your partner as comfortable as they can be.
- Set the mood.
Make the lighting soft, make sure the room temperature is comfortable (not too hot, and not too cold), put on some music that won’t be too distracting (probably avoid music with lyrics). The goal is to create an atmosphere that will take you both to a deeper level of relaxation, but not distract either of you from experiencing what is happening between you.
- Suggest that your partner close their eyes.
Exploring sexual touch is a unique experience because in some ways it is an intense solitary sexual experience that you do together. You want to try and be free of any self-consciousness. Some people ask the partner being touched to wear a blindfold, or just keep their eyes closed. You may find this frees you up to move and touch in ways that might feel awkward if you were being watched.
- Take time to take in your partner’s entire body.
If you don’t have impaired vision, look at your partners body as they are lying there. Start with their feet, and slowly work your way up the body, just with your eyes. Don’t do this with a critical eye, or even with a goal in mind, just let your eyes wander slowly up your partner’s body, much in the way you might take in a huge canvas in an art gallery
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